Memoirs
by decayedFairytale20
Summary: It's been a year since Kris' left, and now Adam's reminiscing those times he spent with him... / kradam - american idol
1. Chapter 1 : IntroductionFalling in Love

**Chapter 1: Introduction / Falling in love**

**Note: Adam's POV // **_**Italics – **_**present; Normal - past**

_ Waking up pretty early, I'm still not used on sleeping alone, without him, even it's already a year. It's hard to move on, you know? But I have no choice but to do so, because it will only hurt me badly—no, it's already hurting me, worse than what I thought._

_ This bed still smells like him, like even I just close my eyes, I feel he's with me—I smell he's still with me. Even he went away a year ago, those memories I spent with him in this room are still fresh to me... I remember the first time we do _something_ here…_

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It's been 2 days since we started sharing room in this mansion. We have no choice though but to share room; Matt brought his outside buddy and let that buddy to sleep in his room—though I'm not sure why—I don't want to know why. So that leaves Kris to share room with me…

Ah… morning. Last night is pretty bad. I drunk a lot and messed up (The after-effect of breaking up with your boyfriend for so long). I think I did things I mustn't do… Like… Shoot. No way. Just before I remember what I did last night, I spotted Kris beside me, covered with blanket, and looks like wearing nothing underneath. No way, no way, NO WAY! We mustn't do something! That's the worst thing I've done if so, well, aside from the fact that Kris is already married and that I just broke up with my boyfriend, we just started to hang out for, TWO DAYS. This is a nightmare.

"Oh, good morning Adam," Kris said sleepily while touching my arm softly. I tensed up and immediately remove his hand from my arm and stand up. Oh no, he's awake.

"Look Kris, what happened last night is just an accident. I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to _do it _to you. I'm so drunk and I'm out of my mind and—" I halted; Kris stood up and put his lips on mine, which is you know kinda funny to witness because of our big height difference—what am I thinking, KRIS IS KISSING ME!

"It's okay Adam; actually, it's really, pretty good." He said after he broke the kiss.

"O-okay?! W-what's okay with that, Kris?! We make out! And it's _not_ okay because you already have a wife and I just broke up with Drake, whom I really loved for like a lifetime… And…" I paused, to catch a breath and to shift from that hastened and shocked tone to a softer one, before asking him something, "And… w-why? Why you kissed me? I mean, aren't you mad at what happened—?"

"No, why would I?" Kris immediately answered innocently just after I said the word _happened_, which is really unexpected and surprising. He put another smack on my lips. Shit. What if he already liked me? No, maybe he's still drunk because it can't be. He's married, for God's sake!

"K-Kris…" I said, shaking, like I'm going to cry, "You… just… kissed me… again…"

"And? Don't you like it?" Kris said while pouting—oh gosh! Why he is so cute?!?!

"Of course… Of course I do" I said, confused at the same time kinda shy—after all, his lips aren't that bad, actually they're so lovely to feel. You can feel the softness. It's overwhelming. And he smiles and he kisses me again, yet this time, I return the kiss. And yeah, that's the start of our secret love affair. But it's also the start of problems—like how we're going to hide this thing to everyone, to our parents, to Katy (Kris' wife)…

"Kris?" Speaking of the problem, I immediately broke the kiss when I heard someone's calling Kris from the outside—yes, it's Katy, knocking the door. "Kris? Are you there?"

"Oh shit, it's Katy" Kris whispered, having this face of horror. We quickly tidy up ourselves (I forgot to mention that we just didn't kiss—yes, we do _that_ again). And we both quickly exchange glances and breathe deeply.

"Here we go" I said, Kris nodded and open the door as slow as possible. And Katy's there. She kissed him after that and gave him a really tight hug. I mean it that I'm jealous but I don't have the rights. It's Katy, Kris' wife. While me, Adam, is just… his roommate.

"Kris… so, Matt told me you're already sharing room with Adam but you don't tell me that you're moving" Katy said, in a tone that slightly annoyed me, you know, sweetly…

"I'm sorry, hon. I didn't tell you because I know those who are not contestants are not allowed to sleep in, except to Allison's mom, of course…" Kris said, kinda shaking "…so that I'm not really sure if they're going to allow Matt's friend to sleep here… And, yeah, they didn't allow Matt but Matt forced me to move and everything…"

"Ahh…" Katy said, while nodding and smiles "…it's okay, at least you're pretty good… by the way, how's the stay here? How's the new roommate?"

"Adam?" Kris glanced at me. I smiled at them, though I'm not really that glad to see Katy here… it's just, really, making me… jealous. "Oh, Adam… Adam's good. He's a very wicked guy. We really…" Kris paused and stares at me again, "We really get along very well…" And I smiled again, this time, because I'm really happy. Does it feel good that he's still complementing me even he's talking to his wife? Yes it is. And it's melting me…

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_ After that, everything seems to be fine even we have this affair. It's like we're just living a normal life, like we don't care if Katy or anyone inside mansion, or even outside, found out about our relationship._

_ Yet it's like one year ago. _


	2. Chapter 2 : Hurt and Comfort

**Chapter 2: Hurt and Comfort**

**Note: Adam's POV // **_**Italics – **_**present; Normal - past**

_ I didn't notice that my eyes are already wet as I reminisce the first time we became officially on. Why I mustn't? Memories can really cheer you up, but it can also hurt your feelings—past is past, nothing can bring back the past again. I grab a handkerchief inside my closet—this one looks familiar. Oh. This is the handkerchief Kris gave to me when I'm crying one time… it's still here, folded smoothly, and still also smells like him..._

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"Hey Adam, are you crying?" Kris asked while sitting beside me, on the edge of my bed—I mean _our_ bed. I shook my head and smile at him. He pouts, he's not convinced—I can't blame him, coz I'm really crying. I'm obviously crying and it's really bad. "C'mon Adam, what's the problem?" I shook my head again quickly, not noticing that as I shook my head faster, my tears run out of my eyes rapidly. Kris then put me in a hug, rubbing his hand on my back gently while soothing me. I really feel good being hugged by Kris—in spite of everything, Kris is still here beside me, comforting me and likes. When my crying slows down, Kris releases me softly and asked me again what the problem is and why I'm crying—of course I will tell him. I don't want his effort of comforting me be wasted.

"Drake left a message on my phone about an hour ago" I said, facing downwards—it doesn't feel good to talk to Kris after crying hard. I feel that I look pretty bad, thanks to the eyeliner.

"…and? What did he said?" He asked understandingly, not showing any signs of annoyance because I just said my ex's name to him, which is really inspiring. No wonder why I love him.

"He's…" Before I even continue the sentence, I started crying again. Kris put me in a hug, again, but this time, his hug is more passionate. It's tighter and… really, the feeling is hard to say in words… "He already moved on and told me that… he's already dating someone and he's happy with him… and… I… I still have this little bit of feelings for him… it's really heartbreaking…" I mumble, though I'm not quite sure Kris even understand what I just said coz my voice is all shaky and eccentric.

"C'mon, it's okay…" He released me and stares at me, looking courageous and… lovely… "You'll move on, too. You will. I'm here to help you." And he smiles. I can't help but smile a little back. He surely knows how to cheer up people in trouble. He suddenly grabs a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes the eyeliner tracks tenderly from my face. The white handkerchief of his then turned into a grey-to-black one—well, not completely, but it's like that. "Wow, you surely put a lot of eyeliner on your eyes, huh?" Kris said, jokingly, of course, while looking at his newly-colored handkerchief with a mixture of disgust and amusement. I chuckle. I can't help it, I'm really grateful he's there for me.

"I'm… I'm sorry about that. I can clean that for you."

"No, don't worry. It's fine. I can do it…" I feel that Kris' going to tell more but instead he just glanced at the handkerchief and back to me. "Look, I will clean it for you, and then you can have it" I throw him a very surprise look. Did he just say that he will clean the handkerchief—and I can have it? Did he just say that? My God, is it sweet? But I still can't reply. The astonishment makes me mute for a while. I'm so happy. I want to cry, again, but now because of happiness. Kris gave me this questionable look and asked, "Are you not going to say something?"

"I…" I still can't release a sentence. Is Kris really willing to give his handkerchief to me?

"C'mon, I can still buy more handkerchiefs someday. You can have it." But I still can't say something! He's just too good to be true. After Drake, I didn't expect someone to make me feel this way. "Adam, please say something. I know, based on your face, that you're worried about my handkerchief. But don't worry, it's okay… it's all okay—"

"Are you really serious?" I finally breathed out. But instead of replying orally, Kris just kissed me. And when he pulls away, he was like "Do I look like I'm not serious?"

"Of course not!" I blurted out. And I kissed him again.

After all, that handkerchief is Kris' and since the day we become on, that handkerchief is the first thing he ever gave to me—well, of course except for the kisses and hugs… and the love.

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_ But now, he's not here to wipe my tears, he's not here to tell me he'll clean his handkerchief for me, he's not here to comfort me… he's not here… he's… not… here… with me…_


	3. Chapter 3 : The Last Time

**Chapter 3: The Last Time**

**Note: Adam's POV // **_**Italics - **_**Present ; Normal - Past**

_I think I really need to move on now coz it's so one year ago. Yeah, right, as if it's that easy to do… It's never easy. It it's that easy, then I'm not here right now!_

_Oh, someone's knocking… No, I'm not expecting Kris but there's just another part of me that wants it to be him… But it's impossible… it's impossible for one year now…_

"_Adam"_

_My heart beat suddenly beats faster. If I'm not mistaken, I don't have any sight problem, nor hearing problem. But I'm quite sure that he's standing in front of me, now…_

"_Kris?"_

_Yeah, it's Kris, and then he suddenly kissed me very hardly, harder than ever. And the sensation just fills my mind, that I already forgot what happened a year ago. But does it matter? I want to see him again so _badly_. And this is it. This is that time I've been waiting for one year…_

"_Are you really Kris?" I suddenly asked in the middle of our kiss_

"_Yeah… do you think I'm not?"_

_The kiss is so hard that we fall down to the bed. "But… you're--" I wanted to say _that_, but he puts his index finger on my lips and kisses me again. This sensation is really too good to be true, though I'm not sure if this is really true. The only thing that makes everything just my imagination is the coldness I'm feeling with his lips and his touches…_

"_I love you" I suddenly blurted out, he stopped kissing me. And he smiles._

"_I love you, too" Hearing him say that, _again_, is very memorable. It sounds heartwarming, very lovely, and _alive_… Before I could ever do something on him--say, undo his pants--someone knocks. Actually, not only knocks, someone already opened the door…_

"_Adam?"_

_As I open my eyes, there's no Kris on my sight. Instead, I saw Drake, standing on the doorway. Drake? What is he doing here? Where is Kris? Is what happened earlier isn't true at all? Is it just my imagination that Kris went here and kissed me and told me he loves me?_

"_I called Allison and found out you're still here. It's already one year, Adam. Why can't you just let it go?" Because Drake, it is easy to say, but hard to do, very hard to do._

_Of course I didn't say that. It is still Drake, my ex. And it would sound harsh if I said so. Instead, I just sit up and cry my heart out in front of him; because I finally realized that what happened between me and Kris earlier isn't really exist. He then move closer to me and put me in a hug. I really feel heavy… Hearing your ex say to let it go… Yet he's right, I must…_

_Drake then released me and said, "Look, I will take you to your apartment now. It will only hurt you more if you stay here."_

"_Am I crazy? Crazy for still waiting for him though it's already impossible for him to come back?" I suddenly asked, with my voice trembling. Drake throws a sympathetic face to me. He then answers, "No, you're not. It's normal if you really love and miss the person…"_

_Though I want to smile with that, I just hug him back and sob. Since Kris left, it's the first time someone comforted me this way. But the heartache, still, will always remain in the bottom of my heart…_

_Drake then bring me outside of this mansion, "Don't worry Adam. You can, and you will, find someone like him someday. Though it's not easy. You will" and he smiles before entering the car…_

_Speaking of that car…_

* * *

Now everyone already knows about me and Kris, both of us decided to go away from this city. It's still dawn, but we have no choice but to go this early to avoid hose paparazzi. "Let's go, Adam. Get into the car" Kris said before entering the car.

"But how about our family, our friends…"

"Kris suddenly went out of the car and hold my hands firmly. "Don't worry. We will keep in contact with them. But to now, we need to escape this place. We need some time and privacy. Or else this relationship will not work out."

I just smile at him and he hugs me. Then we went into the car.

The clear driveway seems to be very cool to Kris that he decided to go faster…

"Kris, slow down. What if some car hits us?"

"Don't worry, Adam. There's a very low possibility that some car will hit us. Besides, look at the road, it's so clear and--" Before he could ever finish what was he saying, yes, a car hit us ad the next thing I knew is this car is going around and round and…

Kris suddenly kisses me very passionately and said, "I love you very much" before pushing me out of that car…

* * *

"_Adam, are you alright?" Drake asked me as he starts the engine of his car._

"_Huh?" was all I can said. What's not alright with me, anyway?_

"_You're crying" Drake said, sounds very concerned, "Don't tell me you remember Kris after you enter this car?"_

_For the millionth time today, I cry again. "Y-yes Drake, I do, and it's painful, very painful; to reminisce the last time we see each other, the last time we kissed each other… the last time… he said he loved me to me…It is very painful. And that accident is still fresh in my mind… And it's already one year ago yet I still can't move on! I can't still face the truth, Drake! The truth that… The truth that Kris is already gone…"_

_It's not just my though, I really said that to Drake, who seems to understand me. He then hugs me again. Then suddenly, there are some flashing lights outside; yes, paparazzi. One reporter asked so loudly, that I heard what was he saying despite of the window glass between us, if this is a reconciliation between me and Drake. I just smiled at them and we went away._

"_It's already hard to be with someone popular!" Drake blurted out jokingly then look at me; he has this questionable face and asked while looking back in front, "Are you alright?"_

_This time I'm quite sure I'm not crying, so I don't know what's not right with me this time, "Why you're asked?" I asked him._

"_Coz you looked happy, which is really weird after those crying you do…" Though I found out it weird, too, that he thought my sudden happiness is weird, he got a point._

"_Maybe because I'm quite sure we're not going to be hit by someone else's car" I said in a very drunk-like way._

"_How can you assure that?" He asked, sounds like he's not believing me._

"_Because we were caught by paparazzi and there are lots of cars now on the way" I said, in a very drunk-like way again. Drake doesn't seems to be amused. He looks so concerned, maybe because he though I finally lost the last bit of my sanity. But it's just so _ironic_. After all, as the stoplight turned red, we stopped at the place where I last saw Kris…_


End file.
